#36 The Pick Up Artist Date

The girl on this burrito date will be referred to as G, I would like to keep her identity anonymous for reasons which will become obvious.

We were a pack of eight trainees on their first night-game Session. Prowling around the night club were four professional pick up artists, our trainers for the night. They advised on the approach to a girl: ‘smash that group over there with hi-5’s’, ‘use a direct approach with that girl in the red dress by the bar’, ‘act as a wing man and tell that girl that your friend is amazing’. We were a pack, up to something, unknown to all others in the club, like thieves in a shopping centre. We were the beginners, being told what to do. It was awkward, like learning how to ride a bike for the first time.

I was alone by the bar texting a friend. A slim African girl ordered a Bulmers Pear Cider. I used a “situational opening” by commenting that in Ireland that drink is known as Clonmel Champagne, while touching her elbow at the same time, the Kino technique. It worked, she didn’t run a mile! We chatted for a bit. She was here for a party and had to re-join her friends. I held my phone out in front on me and said ‘what’s the best way of keeping in touch’. She entered her number.

I’d like to think that what happened in that instance was all me. But that wouldn’t be the full story. It was the Saturday before Christmas, and I was on a weekend long Pick Up Artist (PUA) training Bootcamp in Central London. We had spent the entire day listening to trainers talking about opening approaches, conversational techniques, sexual escalation, day-game tactics, night-game tips etc. We had approached girls in the street during the day and got their phone numbers, and we were now putting what we had learned into practice in a night club called ONANON in Piccadilly.

I was suddenly back in the game. The trainers were interested in my ‘number close’ and encouraged me to persist the chase. It went on for a couple of hours and involved a lot of talking. The trainers would observe things from a distance – a distance seemed blatantly obvious to me. G was blissfully unaware of what was going on. The trainers would come up to us from time to time, hi-five me and whisper a tip in my ear, things like ‘use more kino Rich’, or ‘talk about her safety’.

At 2:30am we were in a cab back to mine. The guys had told me to ask about fantasies. It worked*. I didn’t have to initiate anything. Again, I would like to think it was because she liked me, but what was happening wasn’t a usual experience. At the back of my mind, I knew it was because of PUA techniques.

The next morning we hung out by Columbia Road flower market, we had coffees and read the papers. We wandered the snow covered streets, repairing a decapitated snowman which we named Gauguin. We talked art and literature, memories of Christmas and dreams for the future. I was glad that things were normal after Yesterday, and that G was a nice girl.

I was due back at Bootcamp at 12 noon for day 2, and of course G still had no idea about the PUA Bootcamp. We were on the Northern Line about to part ways and I suggested a Burrito Date during the week. We had talked about Burrito Dates the night before, G wasn’t totally adverse to the idea. To my surprise she suggested we went on our Burrito Date there and then. I knew that I wasn’t completely in control of this unusual situation but decided that I would go with the flow.

Burritos really are flexible food, and hit the spot once more that Sunday afternoon. We had a great day together, but it didn’t last. In the evening we were having coffee on Upper St., and I knew I had to tell her why I was in that night club.

Unsurprisingly she didn’t take it well. I explained that the whole thing, that she could have ended up would any of the other guys, and that if I really did care about PUA, I would have gone to day 2 of the Bootcamp instead of spending it with her.

I told her how we met was circumstantial, and that the important thing was that we met. I meant it. At that point on Sunday, I was happy to be with her. An hour later all was good, we were kissing again when we went our separate ways.

*We met again on the Tuesday. I told her that I enjoyed her company, but that I couldn’t offer anything else at this point. She understood, and thought that I should definitely continue with the 16 remaining Burrito Dates. Again we both seemed happy with that. Then there were more ‘stalkerish’ (her word) emails over the next few days which threw me a bit. It’s as if it was a manufactured relationship from the start, and despite getting on well together, it is doomed for failure. Do you think these series of event would have happened had I not used the tricks I learned on Bootcamp?

Bootcamp? I’m glad I gave it a go. It was a once off experience if nothing else! The guys were great and I learned a thing or two, but I think I’ll stick to burritos for the time being.

*Update: I have removed detail of fantasies and the poem G wrote in an effort to preserve anonymity.