How on earth do I tell you about date number 32 with Jessica? I could write a post about what we talked about, where we went and how good looking and fun she is. Or I could be a bit more descriptive and tell you that she is wild as a march hare and by the end I was relieved to get away with my face intact?!
Let’s go for the latter shall we? Jessica’s colleague at a publishing company, Anna, requested a date a while ago, and when the time came to go on a date her circumstances had changed so she suggested Jessica go instead. We emailed a bit, and it turns out that Jessica’s surname means Rabbit in Portuguese. That, and her Facebook profile image, was all I had to go on.
Jess suggested a drink beforehand. I suggested a wine bar, Cellar Garcon, by Smithfield Market. I waited for Jess at the door. I could see her cab pull up, and I witnessed the cab driver talking to her for a few minutes before she got out. It turned out he was giving her a lecture about taking care of her self. To be careful. It was a cold evening and we drank a bottle of red wine fairly quickly. I was the one who needed the lecture to be careful.
I needed to get a photo at some point in t
he evening. Usually I take a quick snap and it’s no big deal. Jess didn’t like how the photos were coming out and wouldn’t let me take a proper one. She kept on putting her hand up. Instead she suggested that I take a picture of her boobs, and she showed off most of them. In Chilango, the place was closing but the staff let us stay to finish our burritos while they cleaned up. Jess wanted a photo behind the counter, but thankfully the guy said it was against Chilango insurance policy. She asked the staff to take a photo of us both. We really were making a lot of noise, and Jess knocked over her beer. I was glad to leave.
We played a drinking game, ‘I have never’. Then Jess changed this to dares. I thought it wasn’t a good idea in a respectable wine bar. I said that she should stand on the tables and run across them, thinking that would put her off dares. She said not to dare her to do that, because she probably would. I didn’t dare Jess in the end, but when she dared me to touch a pig’s trotter that was at the other side of the bar I did.
We got to know each other a bit. We chatted about dating, London and the places she has been to in Ireland. Dublin, Westmeath, Wexford, Wicklow, Kerry and Waterford. We chatted about our friends, and families. I had my bike with me, which Jess didn’t like the idea of as she wanted to go to a for more drinks after the burrito. She thought I would be drunk cycling and it would be dangerous cycling home. The conversation quickly dried up, and kept asking me how I was, which was nice, but we couldn’t just relax, everything was intense.
We kissed outside Chilang
o, and continued in the Cheshire bar. First she bit my lip a few times, and then moved on to biting my face. I was getting a bit worried. At that stage I didn’t want to drink more, as I was cycling home. Jess lived the other side of town as and was getting a train. I suggested we leave. Jess wasn’t impressed.
We left on good terms though as we did have a good few laughs. In the end I think Jess is a bit overpowering for me and I didn’t really feel comfortable with her.
52 burrito dates 
Man the stuff you write is crazy about the girls, they must all end up hating you….
Exactly Maeve – especially when the stuff he writes isn’t true! x
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Mate,
Is there something wrong with you, you have a beautiful woman paying you attention and all you do is complain.
Lets be honest you are no oil painting, so she is clearly out of your league. I can only think she kissed you for some sort of bet. No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend and need to bride them with free food and 5 miutes of fame.
P.s.who does ride a bike on a date!!
well at long last,a KISS-bout effin time!!!!! i dont think william would be too impressed with u leavin a girl walk home on your own. when will u ever learn, at this rate your gonna need another 52 dates!!!!
He needs more people like you telling him what to do!
Like
I think she sounds great! Yes, she pushes boundaries, but that’s what life’s about. In farirness, what the hell were you riding a bike to a date for? Sounds like you were not up for a fun night, sound like you were just trying to get a new posting for a blog.
If girls don’t ask you not to put pictures up of them – please don’t, that’s just rude and potentially libelous.
Also, you need to figure out your grammer and spelling – it’s just lazy journalism.
its grammar not grammer-whose lazy now?
who’s..
I can be as lasy writing as I like – I’m not a journalist – deal with it!
WHO THE FUCK CYCLES TO A DATE??!!!
I have to agree with the above comments… It sounds like Jessica Rabbit was a laugh and made the date a date and you were just there to collect your free burrito & write in your diary!
To be honest I can’t believe that after 32 dates you are still single… Is it because you rock up to all your dates on a bike? That helmet is atrocious and no doubt gives you helmet hair – not a winning look on a date with a beautiful girl.
Plus the fact that she suggested a drink beforehand suggests she tried to stand out from the crowd instead of just using you for a free dinner… Sorry burrito boy but I think it’s time to get back on that bike of yours!
hey burrito boy!! jessica is great!! we had a great time drinking in vegas allllllllllllll night and morning and then we had great sex against the window at the wynn hahaha
Seriously…who does ride a bike on a date? I agree with the comments that these dates are clearly just becoming protocol for your diary entries and you’ve forgotten how to actually have a good date! Sounds like Jess does like a drink or two, but who doesn’t on a first date? With thoughts and boring behaviour like that you should probably be happy to have gotten a kiss at all…there must be a reason that only 1 date in 32 has resulted in a kiss and just remember what, or who, the common factor is in those 32…
Mate you need to get a life you utter gaylord.
Haha, there should be a like button on here
I don’t think his blog is going to be able to deal with all these comments… Let’s make it crash!
Fair play to you. I don’t know how you managed to complete that blog without sending yourself to sleep. Could you be more boring? Seriously.
Neeb, next time you want to correct someone do it properly. Epic fail.
LOVING THIS
So Rich, love you dearly but what part of “can you use my facebook picture” did you not understand?
We’re not friends on Facebook, and I can’t let every date choose the photos and read the blog before it goes up as you requested. It just wouldn’t work.
Maybe Jess was a totlal mentalist! If her constant comments above are anything to go by, I do not blame him from keeping away from her! Back off girls…
Still, I do want some action with the ladies old boy. There has been some cheeky ladies. Get in there!
Constant comments? Sorry, it’s a blog entry about me, am I not allowed to comment?
shes quite, hot.. and nice tits too.. i defn wld ride her
Thanks for all the comments! I approved every one, nothing like a few strong comments on a blog post 🙂
This type of honest post seems to stir a reaction. Some of the dates, I just don’t want to keep in touch with afterwards and this is one.
this is brilliant reading, cant believe you let all that stuff to be posted on this page although it did show us all what Jessica is really like-Daniels comment summed her up in one word’you all can guess what it is……. Doesn’t say much about her if she needs to drinking on every date she goes on!!!!!!!
Just as a little note – he’s not a nasty guy! If he wasn’t honest with his opinions on this blog, and just said ‘oh they were all wonderful’ you wouldn’t even bother reading it, and the whole thing would be pointless!
The photos have always been taken on the date, so it’s only right that this rule applies throughout (apart from one, when the date didn’t really last long enough for a photo!)
If you’re putting yourself forward for a date like this, you’ve got to be prepared for any sort of review and take what’s written, like it or not.
He’s not going to get on with everyone, that’s the way life goes.
It’s all well and good to rate your dates, but I can’t help thinking there’s something missing from this blog. After a lot of thinking, I’ve realised what separates you from other sucessful dating blogs. You’re just not a good writer. Your detail is too self involved and you don’t even remotely create an atmosphere or anything for us to relate to. Jessica Rabbit might be wild, but you sound like you could do with a healthy dose of fun and remove your head from what I can only assume is the place where you conjure up your terribly written blog. I hoped it would be entertaining and the idea behind it is great, but I’m afraid it’s not your dates that don’t deliver the entertainment – it’s you.
Richard, I feel your pain, honesty might not be what the other person hears, but on my kinda similar challenge, I’ve met a strange one, too full on, and you just want to get out of her company. I’m sure you’ll find someone in the next 20 dates!!!
HE kissed ME
Jessica, in case there’s any doubt about it…I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say he realises what a massive mistake that was now.
i love you so much will you go on a date with me?
I have just stumbled across this by mistake and it had me in stitches! Richard, (although Dick is more appropriate) it’s hilarious that you are sitting there writing about Jessica the way you have, when you look like you do!
She sounds like a good laugh to me, and to be honest, she deserves better than someone who is sat there all night needing to take a big stick out of their arse! You’re so ridiculously BORING, hence why you’re single! Why don’t you grow a pair, and a personality and then go on a date! In the mean time, stick to having a wank every night, you’re the only mug who’d touch YOUR cock!!!
Pretty harsh. You have a laugh with a girl who can clearly actually give it back to you (I’m guessing this doesn’t usually happen?). You like her enough to kiss – continually – throughout the evening, and then you write nasty things about her for everyone to see. It’s a bit cowardly really.
And please please proof read your blogs before posting them, Mr Burrito. Surely that takes no time at all?
I have just stumbled across this by mistake and it had me in stitches! Richard, (although Dick is more appropriate) it’s hilarious that you are sitting there writing about Jessica the way you have, when you look like you do!
She sounds like a good laugh to me, and to be honest, she deserves better than someone who is sat there all night needing to take a big stick out of their arse! You’re so ridiculously BORING, hence why you’re single! Why don’t you grow a pair, and a personality and then go on a date! In the mean time, stick to having a wank every night, you’re the only mug who’d touch YOUR cock!!!
Just to say, after going on a date myself if you’re willing to write nasty stuff about people you should be prepared to get it back.
I was informed that several people commented on what you wrote about me and you simply deleted it.
You’re entitled to your own opinions about people but they’re entitled to their own about you.
You are a nice guy, but you’re also a bit thoughtless.
Thanks Abi, hope you’re well. I didn’t delete any comments on your post.
Abi – lets form a Burrito Girls Group!
James – I was on holiday in Vegas. Pardon me for drinking whilst on holiday. In Vegas. Also, you’re right, I don’t have to drink on every date, just first dates, you know, to have some F.U.N.? FYI – I’m not a mentalist, it’s not like I’ve been on 32 dates and still single jeeeeeez!
And last but not least – my darling Richard – ever heard of copy and paste? (for the picture?)
Hmm so Jessica Rabbit is clearly great looking (way way out of your league if you ask me), bubbly, full of conversation and great fun. Plus, she kissed you, you must have thought you’d won the lottery considering your lower than average looks and the bicycle riding.
No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend, your brain is now the consistency of refried beans, must be all that Mexican grub you’re scoffing – your judgement has definitely gone awry.
Learn to have some fun. All the burritos in the world won’t get you a girlfriend if your spiteful comments reflect your true personality.
I can only imagine that this guy’s lack of confidence is due to the fact that he has a tiny pecker? Clearly the size of his brain must also be relative to the size of his weiner?! C’mon dude, live a little before you die!
This Burrito bloke is a right plonker… trying to make out like he’s the one not interested in the beautiful, intelligent and sweet Jessica who actually knows how to have a good time… It’s so obviousy that he knew he’d have no chance in hell seeing you again so makes out like you came on too strong to him… what a loser! Again this loser is emphasised by riding his cycle to a date – who does that!!! “Jess is a bit overpowering for me”… get it straight mate – SHE’S OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE!!!
Wow, some people are getting seriously fired up aren’t they?
As far as I can see Richard is just being honest. OK so the standard of writing may not be blowing our minds but this is just a bit of fun isn’t it? It’s not a professional blog, it’s not his full time job, it’s just good, honest fun.
Richard won a competition and decided to have a bit of fun with it and I think it’s great that he’s honest. If it was me I’d be much more guarded in my comments to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings so I’m pretty impressed that he is just completely honest. Anyone who goes on one of these dates must know what to expect by now……
On the other hand, I have to agree with the bike comments. If you’re going on a date, why would you limit yourself like that?!
I’m really sorry but putting someone’s full name, photo and job and writing comments like that about someone is just really rude. As for calling me boring- ‘kettle pot black’ perhaps? I had more conversation with the burrito.
I’m going to step in here, I’m not saying Richard is a nasty guy, he’s not, and was polite on the “date” – it’s his blog so yes, he can write what he wants. But all I asked was for him not to put one picture up; I posed in jest and then asked him not to put it up, a request he chose to ignore.
Good luck in finding your girl.
“I’m hang-gliding, honey! Take a good picture! I’m dead!” What a freak!” the words of chazz reinhold. another man who rides his bike (or skateboard) to dates but gets more action than this dude. seriously mate you need to get laid
jessica send me your number 😉
seems to me that Richard’s ego has led him to believe that he does not have to make any effort on these dates, a Mummy’s boy clearly… but seriously look in the mirror, effort is clearly required and if it’s a prissy snob you’re looking for why not ask your Mummy for suggestions …..
Rich, like most people I have to ask what you were thinking in cycling to a date? It does sort of set the tone i.e. I’ll be pushing off without you.
Jessica looks and sounds fantastic, a lively date is kinda what you want is it not? and if it involves a spot of lip biting all the better! Quite why you allowed yourself to be kissed if you weren’t that into her is a question for another day…
I can see Jessica getting deluged with offers of dates now and perhaps a few of the girls who had thought about a burrito date are changing their minds after reading this post.
Hey Mr Omneo
Not sure what the big deal is about the bike, I’ve gone to pretty much every date on my bike and wrote about it in the past, also some of the nicest girls have also come on bikes.
Thanks for the comment, glad to get feedback from the readers.
Cheers
Rich
Jessica should set up her own dating blog now that so many guys are lining up to get a date with her. I volunteer myself for the first date! 😉
I’ve been asked by a couple of people if the Sian above is me as I was date number 15. It’s not, but I thought I’d leave a comment anyway. Rich was nothing but a gent on our date. Judging him for turning up on his bike, really?
Having read more of this blog, and spoken to Rich a couple of times since our dates (even writing an article about him and his dates), I think you guys are thinking that this is all about him finding ‘The One’. It’s not. From what I gather, it’s about meeting new people, having fun and perhaps meeting someone that he’d like to do that a little more often. Maybe with some kissing thrown in. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m pretty certain if the date was going *that* well, he’d leave his bike behind. But like I say, he’s actually a gent.
Sounds like in this case, the date was uncomfortable and booze-fuelled (the two do go hand in hand, don’t they?). Who hasn’t kissed someone because they’d drunk too much wine, then realised it wasn’t a very good idea? At least he went home without taking things any further.
You go out on a date with a guy who blogs about his dates, what do you expect to happen?
Sianny, you’ve got your own date page – get off mine! (”,) Only joking, I’m glad you guys had fun, I’m not doubting he was a gent, as I said before, he was, he even offered to give me the £30 that I paid for the bottle of wine and cheese he consumed.
Am curious – is anything Rich has said untrue? He’s always struck me as an honest guy.
jessica… care to go on date with me? im very well mannered and very well hung
Not usual one to jump on a band wagon, but i’d happily spend an evening with Wine, cheese and the lovely Jessica.
For the love of god hook me up Sir!
Also nothing wrong with cycling to a first date, but i’d have hidden that awful helmet.
She doesn’t sound fun at all, she sounds like a fucking nightmare, with about as much depth as her two-dimensional cartoon namesake.
I’m impressed Rich went with it as long as he did.
Form an orderly queue please boys! ha! I’m open to dates but leave the bikes/helmets/burritos at home (”,). HAPPY FRIDAY!!
These comments are sooo funny! The truth obviously hurts sometimes. Jessica and all your mates, get over it!
You just got yourself Burritoed!!!!!
Jessica is the bike and is now ready to be cycled, Mr burrito brought his helmet but realised he didn’t want a bike that had been used as much-more power to u sir. Gentlemen, Jessica is now open- go ahead and beat the xmas rush!!!!!
Burrito groupie! What a freak! Sounds like someone doesn’t take rejection too well and clearly needs a lot of attention. Sound bunch of mates too. Real catch
Was gonna say- this number of comments is like unheard of right? So I can’t help but suspect that Jessica either rounded up some friends or wrote a lot of them under different names, given the level of repetition almost down to the letter in some of them. Just saying.
It is just supposed to be fun and, moreover, some of the most recent comments have included a request for kiss details and a fair few people have asked for more description and honesty. I feel like there’s no way there would be this many derogatory comments without some foul play
James – you couldn’t be further from the truth.
Peach – Yep, that’s exactly what I did. On a work day, I wrote 56 comments all by myself.
I think these comments are a disgrace.Jessica was obviously hoping to use Richard for his body and when she didnt get her way is acting like a spoilt child.She must be gagging for it.If a guy went biting on a girls lip he would be arrested if I meet this Jessica charecter I will be making a citizens arrest for sexual harrasment.
I am wondering if I can leave my massive tool in Jessica’s box?
You d want to be up very early in the morning to catch me.
OASIS or Blur?
sounds like Richard has rounded up his friends…ahhh what’s the matter Richie? Are you afraid of the little girl??
Also to Burrito guy’s friends Steve and James, you should be ashamed of yourselves, don’t you think your mother would be ashamed of your making comments like that? This was just banter until you took it a step too far, obviously you are just horribly rude people
Dee if I was your mother I would be ashamed .So its alright for Jessica and her friends to slag the crap out of Richard but when a few people stick up for him they are rude.Will you cop yourself on and stop being such a crappy person
It’s like you’ve not even listened . Yes BANTER was fun, making sexually derogtory statements is just wrong. Jess did not sign up for that and you and your friends should have a good think about what you’re saying does to people, and what it makes you…a crappy person
You don’t know me so really have no idea what sort of person I am.
Jessica, I salute you. You’re my fave so far by MILES.
Thank youuuu!
Jessica you are the best!
Jessica x
Mr Omneo can I have your number by any chance would love to meet for some dinner and maybe a bit of ho ha
Sorry Richard,
I’m fully booked up until 4th September 2015, you free then?
As a friend of Jessica’s I just want to say that you have the wrong idea about her. She is a really sweet girl who’s always there for her friends (hence the response to this blog). Yes she likes to have a good time (and the occasional bite (”,) when she goes out, don’t we all. Some of the comments on both sides are getting a little out of order, I think we all just need to calm down and get on with our real lives!
Have a great weekend all and keep warm people.
Any feedback on the GRAMMAR and spelling would be greatly received.
Boys and girls, 73 comments…what has been started here?! Firstly when I saw how many posts this date had got I was intrigued and when I began to read the blog I was hopeful for you guys that this was going to end well. ‘ I have never’ played in a bar… Come on Richard it’s hardly stripping and sounds like an alternative, fun way to get to know eachother which only leaves me thinking that there may not be many things you HAVE done apart from start this burrito idea up to cushion your social CV!
Re the photo taking, hounestly, as a girl, who does like every photo taken? If you have ever in your life been out to bars other than on a Wednesday night you will
know what us females are like! By the sounds of it this isn’t the first time you have disrespected the girls request not to publish a photo. Rude. Jessica, may I say that you have AMAZEBOOBS, what’s your secret?
Sorry it didn’t work out for you both. Rich on all honesty I think you have missed out on a good girl there. Jessica Rabbit sounds like an incredibly good fun girl who at the same time wants to make others happy which is where I think you may have misinterpreted what constitutes ‘intense’.
Dear James Fitz
You were one wheel off with your comment…I believe she’s a tricycle. The girl’s stabalisers clearly came off long ago…
Love to all xxx
Wow! I can’t believe all of your comments!! Here is a man who, in fun, has discovered a way to meet new people. How ingenious is that!! First, if you consent to a date with Richard, you know he will blog it, Second, you know he is honest about it as well. If you have a problem with this, don’t go on the date!!! Simple enough. Jessica, if you chose to have a picture taken with you acting as you apparently did, accept it to be published. If you don’t want it published, don’t act that way or allow it to be taken. Also, you had to have known, if you are going to “bite” someone in play, or throw your tongue down someones throat, it’s going to be blogged about. Again, if you have an objection, DON’T DO IT.
No body has any right to put Richard down as we all know who have followed his site, this is what he does. He has ALWAYS been honest
Thanks Stephanie, I like your rational approach!
Glad to give my input. If only I didn’t live in Brighton, I’d gladly go on a burrito date with you. Love the site and cleaver idea.
I love a guy on a bike
If you’re willing to go on a date when you know it’s a public blog, be aware that every action you take on said date will most likely be blogged about. If you don’t want something to be blogged about, then don’t do it..? Be it a drink, comment, or picture.
All behind you fitz x